My first blog has been titled everything and the content has also consisted of everything. Lol... My mind has been all over the place, with the idea of it being “right”. I read a post today, that inspired me to talk about Depression. It is truly a silent killer. Do you know someone experiencing it, or maybe they have in the past? Are you experiencing it? Maybe you are like me, I have experienced it.
Depression is not just a feeling, it becomes you and the life you live. I remember experiencing it after the birth of both of my children. The second go round was much more challenging. I gave birth, went home and ended up back in the hospital 10 days after. I was having congestive heart failure and literally made it right in time. If I had waited five more minutes, I wouldn’t be here today. I was also a full time student.
Can you imagine the weight on my shoulders? My daughter was 10 days old and I couldn’t care for her. I cried all four days too. After I was released, life still had to go on. I had orientation at UCF coming up, I needed to still find a daycare, I needed to establish a new schedule and routine because I was a mother of two now. My family was by my side too, but I still felt alone.
I cried everyday, I over ate, and some days I didn’t eat at all. I drank, smoked, and took pain pills. I was searching for anything to ease my pain. I reached out to people, but I didn’t tell anyone. I was ashamed, scared, and disappointed in myself that I was experiencing this. I suffered with depression for the first 8-12 months of my daughters life. Nobody knew, because I am what you consider high functioning. The world was closing in on me and I didn’t know how to stop it. I was buried in so much hurt and stress and I didn’t know how to climb out of it. I asked for help with my daughter, but it wasn’t available to me at that time. I was drowning, but no one knew it.
Depression is that thing that makes you sleep more than the average and still wake up tired, depression is that thing that makes you cry all the time. Depression makes you irritable, makes you neglect how you take care of yourself, it makes you flat out miserable.
My church in Orlando knew something wasn’t right, because they called to check on us. Now, these people only saw me on Sundays, no one knew me personally, but they figured something was wrong. Oh, but I still acted like it was alright. I suffered and all by myself. One day I just got tired and went and talked to someone. I was embarrassed and ashamed, but I managed to overcome it that time.
My story will set me free and encourage someone else. You are not alone! If you or someone you know is experiencing depression, I encourage you to reach out. If you don’t know where to start, start here.
Our stories aren’t for us, they are to bless someone else.
The darker the storm, the brighter the rainbow. The rain only means the sunshine is near. Let it rain and wait for the sun to come. If you are drowning, reach out and let someone hold the umbrella for you! There is nothing to hard for God! Reach out, speak out, walk out, and let’s fight depression together!
Thank you for visiting my blog and taking the time to read. Please stay and share your thoughts and/or questions. Judgement Free Zone!
Thank you for sharing your story!