What does that word Abandonment mean to you? Have you ever experienced it? Are you willing to experience it? I bet you are wondering what I mean by “are you ready to experience it?” I’ll elaborate in a few.
Abandonment is the feeling of being abandoned, neglected, or left for a long period of time. I think it’s safe to say we have all experienced this feeling. However, some of us may have experienced more than others. If you don’t deal with the initial feeling of abandonment all the other experiences only intensify, resulting in more damage to yourself.
I was taken away from my biological mother at a very young age, roughly 6 months old. I stayed with my Aunt and Grandfather for about a year and then moved in with my mother’s cousin, who is known as my mom. My biological mother was living, but she never came back to get me. My Biological father just didn’t accept me. He was unsure if I were his because of my skin color. That is the story I was given by multiple people, so I believe it to be true. What a blow to a child, right? I’m sure that’s what you are thinking. But, It’s life! That’s the beginning of my life how I experienced abandonment before I really
Knew what it was. I felt it, but too young to process it.
I was reading a book that mentions abandonment doesn’t always come from a parent, but friends, significant others, children, family members, and jobs. It can basically come from anything that you identify as important and have observed a significant change.
Have you experienced it? Are you willing to experience it? Nobody wants to feel that, but it plays an intrical part in developing in life. I don’t think anyone would be where they are or on their way to where they should be without experiencing abandonment! Some of us have experienced it more than others. It has shaped some of us into burdened people and some have used it as a way to truly grow.
When we initially experience abandonment, it cuts like 10,000 knives. It makes us bleed out, act out, feel, and think things we didn’t know were possible. The pain is sometimes unbearable, at least that’s what you think sometimes. Abandonment leaves scars that no one can look at and see.
I have experienced abandonment in abundance since I was in the womb. My biological parents, my friends, my boyfriends, my boo-thangs, my supervisors, and co-workers. At the time I didn’t know what to make of it. I didn’t know how to cope because I immediately internalized it. I blamed myself and questioned my worth. It is perfectly normal to question yourself too. After the initial shock, shattering of my heart and soul, I started to get angry. Once I became angry, I started to increase my negative behaviors towards others.
Being angry and displaying negative behaviors to others, gets tiresome. It wears you out, literally. It takes more energy to be angry rather than happy. But, how do you tell someone experiencing abandonment to not be angry or not to express it? That’s right, you just can’t! Feeling abandoned is the worse feeling in the world! It’s more than just a sad feeling. It consumes you and becomes you. It’s the one thing you despise feeling, but the only thing that keeps you fighting to feel. I think the antagonizing pain keeps you alive, semi-sane, functional, and moving.
When it’s your time to experience it, you just have to process it one day at a time. You have to take those past feelings and deal with them. Learn to cope and please don’t be ashamed about it. We have all been abandoned by someone in our lives. Some people even associate the death of a loved one with abandonment. They believe the person didn’t fight hard enough to stay alive. We sometimes feel God has abandoned us too. If you don’t process the initial abandonment feeling, you’ll only keep reliving that feeling with future relationships and/or situations.
What does abandonment mean to you? What role does it play in your life and how you treat others? Also, how you allow them to treat you? Can you remember the first time you felt abandoned? This is just for me to put on your mental! If you could change one thing about your behavior pertaining to abandonment, what would it be and why?
Talk it out, walk it out, and don’t block it out. We have to deal, so we can heal! Judgement free, so we can be set free!
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